In a 2018 article on ‘Feeling Offended: A Blow to Our Image and Social Relationships’, the authors explain that feeling offended is linked to ‘self-conscious emotions’. Examples of these emotions are shame, guilt and pride; when we feel these emotions, we often feel inferior.
In 1941 Eleanor Roosevelt was credited with saying:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent“
In simpler terms – ‘Don’t take anything personally.’ However, this is easier said than done. In this second article on Sense of Self, we will discuss three aspects of the offence and how to deal with it.
1). Why do I get offended?
Studies have shown that when we react to an offensive comment, it is because it has targeted a past hurt or pain that has not been healed by either time or therapy.
When you get offended, it is because what has been said, done or implied has brought up these past hurts, and you want to address this at the moment to help validate the pain.
2). Is it wrong to be offended by what people say?
Often it is not wrong to feel offended, but your actions can be. Lashing out (either physically or verbally) is often an instant response, almost like your brain is on autopilot to react to what it feels is an offensive attack.
3). How to not get offended so easily?
The first thing you need to realise is that everyone is different, and their entire outlook on the world is based on what happened to them in the past. That person’s culture, beliefs, experiences and personality all create who they are and how they look at and interpret the world. What that person may have said/done/implied may not have been intentional behaviour to cause you offence.
This may be as simple as trying to step in another person’s shoes. Ask yourself why they have done something you feel is offensive, maybe even talk to them about it. However, you may need to take an in-depth look at yourself and seek professional help to try and understand why you found the behaviour offensive.
Finally – remember those famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt.
Although it is easy to blame someone else for your behaviour, that is not true. No one can make you feel offended; that is a choice you make – either consciously or unconsciously. Remember that it is ok to feel offended or hurt, but it is your choice on how you respond to the situation.
